Goat Pâté

Goat pate

(Just thought I’d sneak in a wee story about the greatest species of animal on Earth!)

Ingredients:

  • 20kg of goat
  • About 1200kg of rampaging donkeys
  • A pasting
  • A shovel

 

With a searing tropical cycle home to look forward to I feel no need to rush anything at this time of day and so I’m making myself a nice wee brew while counting today’s takings from the cash-register.

 

From the sudden explosion of activity outside, it would appear World War Three has just begun and as I step out the shop to inspect the latest donkey drama –last time they beat an old lady to the ground and stole her bag of carrots-, I feel myself stumped by their well hidden little dark side.

 

A pace of donkeys form around a young, wild goat that’s had the sheer nerve and stupidity to enter this lair and help itself to some gold-dust (hay). The circle of death closes in.

 

Stomping, biting, dragging, the blood-lust begins. With tilted-back ears and slanted eyes, they home in on their chosen target and by the time I get between these raging beasts the damage is done. Billy is an ex-goat. I take the dead animal in my arms and make my way to the Sanctuary café area, but now I am surrounded! They have built what would seem like an impenetrable wall of donkey around me. “Put the goat down and walk away”. Or “ EEEEEAAAWWW”! To you and me.

 

Being something of a donkey wrecking ball allows me to break through and escape into the safety of my café where I lay down our deceased horned one and continue cashing up well aware that our lovable little donkeys have now surrounded the area and are staring intently at the corpse on the floor.

 

Moments later while packing envelope’s into the safe I sense unease from outside. Not again!

 

Arriving late and now standing over our cabbaged one I now feel the need to explain to these tourists exactly why I have a dead goat in the middle of the café floor. “It’s our donkeys! Be VERY careful, they hate Americans almost as much as goats”!

 

Carrying Billy towards the front gate where his final resting place awaits (thorn bushes and cactus) I am once again menacingly stalked by murderous villains who still want more. I think in future when I see a Christmas nativity involving that token, beloved donkey in a manger consisting of a baby a goat and a cow I will be thinking ‘this is an accident waiting to happen’, camera’s at the ready especially if Mary’s got a bag of carrots!

Available to buy in the Amazon Kindle Store;

https://www.amazon.co.uk/TITS-UP-Travel-Andy-Ritchie-ebook/dp/B01L84WVNA

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